Remember when the NBA had nickname jerseys? Maybe I’m a sicko but I think there’s something 900000000x cooler watching Ray Allen shwanking a 3 in a J. Shuttlesworth jersey rather than a boring old “Allen.” Can we start a petition to bring these back? A Robert Williams “Time Lord” jersey would go absolutely crazy.
With these nickname jerseys on my mind, I was inspired to track down the greatest NBA Nicknames I could find that people forget or have never heard. So here they are, the best forgotten NBA nicknames.
Michael Cage – Windex Man -For always “cleaning the glass” It sucks this nickname was used on Michael Cage who averaged about 6 rebounds a game for his career and not to one of the better all-time rebounders so this game could get the recognition it deserves as it’s extremely clever. I’m sure he was a tank on the boards when he got the name but come on.
Andre Drummond – The Big Penguin– The reasoning for this nickname is what makes it gold, rather than the name itself. When once talking with former teammate Greg Monroe, Greg asked Andre what his top 3 favorite movies were, in which he replied March of the Penguins, Happy Feet, and Happy Feet 2. Bro just loves penguins.
Mike Scott – Threegional Manager – A guy who spent his whole career as a bench guy but this nickname should be in the Hall of Fame. An obvious nod to sharing his name with Michael Scott from The Office, the Dunder Mifflin Regional Manager, mixed with some recognition of making over 50% of his career threes.
O.J. Mayo – Grocery List – Orange juice + mayonaise = very common grocery list. Obvious yet great nickname that did not get used enough for O.J.
Davis Bertans – Latvian Lazer – The spot up shooter from Latvia has one of the best current-day nicknames in the league.
Evan Fournier – Don’t Google – Don’t do it.
Corey Magette – Bad Porn – To stay on the topic of genetalia (really do not Google it) Corey’s nickname, while it is easily the worst nickname to have of this bunch, is pretty clever. Corey’s teammates gave him the nickname bad porn because of his game style consisting of all penetration but no finishing.
Pervis Ellison – Never Nervous Pervis – While Pervis got this nickname for not shying away in a March Madness Final Four run with Louisville, something about this one just kills me.
Matt Bonner – The Sandwich Hunter – Apparently Matt Bonner used to have a blog in which he tried sandwiches around the world in a journey to find the best one. I looked for 2 hours trying to find these sandwich reviews and can’t find anything but that sounds like some content I’d kill to see, especially from such an all-time great player like Matt Bonner.
Brook Lopez – Splash Mountain – Although I think it’s the most well-known nickname on the list, splash mountain is my favorite nickname in the league right now and had to include it. For a tall guy that just shoots threes nowadays, elite name.
Charles Barkley – The Human Refrigerator, The Flying Coke Machine, Pillsbury Dough Boy, The Leaning Tower of Pizza, Bread Truck, The Incredible Bulk, The Prince of Pizza – While everyone knows the Round Mound of Reboud, it was far from his best nickname.
Luke Ridnour – Frodo –
Jeff Horacek – Horny – AN obious shortened version of Hornacek’s last name but a hilarious nickname to be given. Would probably lead the league in nickname jersey sales.
A custom Never Nervous Pervis jersey has been ordered.