D.K. Metcalf’s clinch walk – 10/2/22
This was D.K. Metcalf’s most explosive game of the 2022 season in more ways than one. With 9 minutes to go in the 4th quarter in a game againt the Detroit Lions in week 5, Seahawks fans were confused and concerned to see D.K. Metcalf, who at the time had 7 receptions for 149 yards, have to get carted off the field despite not appearing to be injured whatsoever. We later learned that this shootout confusion was caused by another shoot out in D.K.’s pants, as Metcalf had called for the cart because “the clinch walk wouldn’t have made it.” Metcalf would return to the game after his poop to cheer on the team from the sideline to a 48-45 victory.
Lamar Jackson Wipes the Browns – 12/14/2020
In a contest against the Cleveland Browns on MNF, Lamar Jackson would leave the field after a drive to put Baltimore up 34-20 going into the 4th quarter. Despite the decent lead, 13 minutes is more than enough time for Trace McSorley to turn this into a 35-34 deficit while Ravens fans wonder what happened to their star quarterback. While the team reported this was because of “cramps”, a video surfaced of the most obvious poop run of all time. Like his style of play on the field Lamar showed his elite rushing to the bathroom and let the browns come out while the Browns came BACK on the field. After Lamar had released the demons he game back into the game to immediately throw a 44 yard touchdown on 4th and 5 to Marquise BROWN (Lots of brown, coincidence?) followed by another scoring drive consisting of 38 air yards in just 4 plays and 62 seconds to take the lead and win the game.
Archie Bradley Unloads On the Astros – 5/5/2018
This scenario is a bit different from the others as we aren’t 100% sure which date this occured on. However we can use context clues from his statements to assume this took place on May 5th, 2018 in a game against the Astros. Archie Bradley had just relieved himself with poop in his pants while taking a pee, and while attempting to clean himself up was told to ditch cleaning the mound in his pants, and instead hop on the mount to finish off pitching the game. Bradley mentioned it was “the most uncomftorable [he’s] ever been on the mound] as you would hope. Amazingly, unlike his pants, Bradley pitches a clean inning, giving up no hits as the Diamondbacks would win the game. One of the better finishes to a game in his relieving career. He would later go on to get a perfect endorsement deal with Dude Wipes.
The Obvious: Paul Pierce becomes crippled with poop in Game 1 of the 2008 NBA Finals
You knew this one would be coming. In the most famous poop game in sports history, Paul Pierce went down contesting a shot from Kobe Bryant, grabbing his knee in agony, to the point where he had to be rolled off the court in a wheelchair. The injury looked pretty serious until later in the game, Pierce checks back in like absolutely nothing had happened, and subs into the game looking like his normal self leading the Celtics to a victory in the game and eventually the series as well. Since this moment, it has become a heavily debated topic on if this was actually a short injury or if Paul Pierce had pooped himself on the court, and called for a wheelchair so nobody saw his freshly poop-stained white shorts. Pierce currently denies this, but at this point the whole world just thinks he’s full of shit.
Robbie Tobeck plays an ENTIRE NFL game with poop in his pants – 11/4/2001
This one is crazy. In a week 6 game against the Redskins, Seattle Seahawk center, Robbie Tobeck goes down to the field feeling like hot grabage. He had lost 10 pounds of puke weight leading up to the game but still wanted to power through and play this game for some reason. The Seahawks prepared for the worst (as they should) and had a literal poop bucket on the sideline for Tobeck if needed. It was indeed needed. Except, Tobeck never made it to the bucket. Tobeck didn’t even make it to the 2nd play of the game, and explosively pooped his pants attempting to block Dan Wilkinson on the first play of the game. The craziest part of this is Tobeck continued to play the entirety of the game full of poopy pants. Everyone on the field knew it and commented on the foul stinch after every play.
Is this low key a smart move? I wouldn’t want to line up on the other side of a guy who’s legs are covered in his own crap. Poop may be the best blocker of all time.
I guess in conclusion I’m just thinking to myself, should all players in every sport just poop themselves? If Paul Pierce stayed in that finals game and I was going against him I’m leaving him wide open. Does Mamba Mentality mention anything about going against a guy with fecal matter running down his thighs???? He’s getting every rebound in the world because there’s no way I’m letting him box me out.
Just something to think about.