Jack Gohlke has officially delivered the knock-out-punch to the John Calipari era of the Kentucky Wildcats, after it was announced late Sunday night that Calipari would be moving on to take over as head coach of Arkansas. Hand up, this is all my fault. I’ve been buying Tyson chicken nuggets for years without knowing I was just giving my money to the enemy-at-hand, The media has made it seem like John Tyson was the mastermind behind this entire operation. The frozen chicken nugget billionaire was successful in his mission, as John and John will look to rule over the entire state of Arkansas as their next undertaking, separating from the rest of America in a baby-step to world domination.
As the dust settles, and we as a country pray John Tyson doesn’t get any more powerful than he has already become. All we can do right now is carry on with our daily lives as usual. So for that reason, this post will be nothing more than rattling off my dark-horse candidates for the Kentucky coaching job.
- Bill Belichick
Bill Belichick is the safest man for the job, straight up. A proven all-time great coach and an unreal talent of making whatever adjustments needed to win the game. Belichick also has a trait that Kentucky truly values in that he is a proven winner, with 8 Super Bowl wins and 6 as a head coach. While Bill is seen by most as more of a football coach, I think most qualities would transfer over to basketball. He was looked over for a head-coaching job this offseason in the NFL despite interviewing for jobs. He still has the itch to coach and needs to widen the gap of greatest coach of all time before a red-hot Andy Reid surpasses him. Nothing would cement Belichick as the greatest coach of all time like a NCAA Men’s Basketball Final Four Championship. You’ve got to at least give the man a call and make him say no.
- Bronny James
Bronny James. The son of LeBron James. His father is known to have the greatest basketball-mind in the history of the sport. It only makes sense that his son matches this IQ, if it’s not even higher than his father’s. Now is the perfect time to lock him in, he has just announced he would be leaving USC and entering his name into the NBA draft. Lots of people say he does not have the talent to be NBA bound, so why not take this insane basketball mind we all know he has to have and put it to something better, the Head coach of the Kentucky Wildcats. Bronny would be in it for the long-haul as he is still so young and has potential to be the greatest coach of all time with his untapped potential in coaching the game.
- John Wooden
It’s time we take out the frozen head and bring him back. We all know it’s in a deep freezer somewhere, waiting for the day we have the technology to do so. Big Blue Nation needs this more than ever. Elon Musk, please drop the invention already. The greatest coach in the history of hoops. Maybe the only John that can take down John (Tyson) and John (Calipari). I think this one is a bit more far-fetched as Musk is being stingy with his plans but have no doubts Wooden would happily accept the job if he was brought back to life in the next day or two.
- John Tyson
I know I said I would stop talking about him, but what if this was part of his evil plan all along????? Did John Tyson end the Cal era of Kentucky just so he could take the throne????? There is simply too much evidence and it makes too much sense. He knew years ago he could never become Head Coach of the Kentucky Men’s Basketball Team off his coaching alone, so he developed a successful frozen chicken nugget company in order to gain revenue, invest in a rival school, draw the Kentucky coach out, and be there to rise, victorious. I could be way off here, and him and Calipari could very well have a legit plan to rule Arkansas, but don’t say I didn’t warn you if this just so happens to be the outcome instead.
