In just 14 sleeps, I can once again be happy. Angels will sing in the basements of millions in the form of Scott Hanson’s voice, welcoming us all to a new season. My phone will be at 32% battery by 1:00pm (Eastern), as I spent the entire morning admiring all 9 of my fantasy football teams, and sent off 17 trade requests that were all rejected quicker than the half-second it took me to spring out of bed earlier, in excitement for the day I knew was coming. I will be thinking of what I will do with the winnings of my 8-leg parlay, knowing there is no possible way it doesn’t hit. NFL football will be back.
Along with the sweet return of NFL football, several other delights make their way back into the world around this time of year. How could anyone forget the long-awaited return of Soup Season? Are you kidding me??? The temperature drops, and my desire to enjoy a bowl of soup every day for the next 4-5 months SKY-ROCKETS.
With all this being said, I thought it would only be right to use the excitement I have for football and soup in a productive way, being the following piece you are about to waste 4 minutes of your life reading.
So here it is.
10 NFL Quarterbacks and their Soup Comp.
1. Brock Purdy – Tomato Soup
Tomato Soup is a FINE soup I guess. However, it is much more glorified than it should be solely based off how well it goes with a delicious Grilled Cheese Sandwich. The reason for this comparison is the San Francisco 49ers are loaded with Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. These Grilled Cheeses are named Deebo Samuel, Christian McCaffrey, George Kittle, and Brandon Aiyuk just to rattle off a few. I for one, have never even tried tomato soup without a Grilled Cheese, so I’m not sure exactly how good it is solo. I also, for one, have never even seen Brock Purdy without elite offensive weapons, so I’m not sure exactly how good HE is. Brock Purdy is Tomato Soup.
2. Caleb Williams – Ramen
Yes it is considered a soup, look it up. Regardless, Caleb Williams is 100000% Ramen. Ramen is pretty new to the game compared to the other soups of the world. Young, talented in so many different ways, and a lot of people see potential in Ramen being the next big thing. BUT… Is Ramen ACTUALLY this good or was it just elite in college?
3. Russell Wilson – Spaghetti-O’s
Sad. I used to LOVE Spaghetti-O’s back in the day. They were exciting. They were always brought up as one of the favorites when talking ball at the school lunch table. This soup won championships. While I don’t think they will go down as one of the greatest soups to ever exist, I think everyone has a soft spot in their heart for Spaghetti-O’s. It really sucks that in what seemed like a snap of a finger, I grew up. My eyes were opened and I realized, maybe Spaghetti-O’s just aren’t that good anymore (and actually kind of suck nowadays.) Now Spaghetti-O’s are a fringe starting quarterback on a lackluster offense.
4. Justin Fields – Cereal
Is cereal a soup? I know this has been a hot topic for some in recent times, much like the debates between the Pittsburgh coaching staff trying to figure out if Justin Fields is a quarterback. They have this guy returning kicks, playing receiver, long snapping (probably), and what seems like every other position BESIDES quarterback in hopes that maybe he has just been playing the wrong position this whole time. At the time of this post, it is still undecided if Cereal is more of a starting caliber soup than Spaghetti-O’s.
5. Matthew Stafford – Vegetable Soup
One word, respected. Both Mr. Stafford and vegetable soup are proven winners. While they may not be the most exciting of quarterbacks/soups, they are proven elite level talents and a championship-caliber talent. It is also extremely hard to hate Matthew Stafford or Vegetable Soup. Despite being around the game for a long time, these talents can still play with the best of ’em and can always be relied on. High floor with a pretty high ceiling. Old Reliable.
6. Aaron Rodgers – Mushroom Soup
Aaron Rodgers. Mushrooms. Soup.
7. Josh Allen – Soup of the Day
You go into your favorite soup-providing restaurant. Your waitress comes over, and asks, “What’ll it be?” Without even asking what it is, you say “Bring me the Soup of the Day.” Whether you realize it or not, you just took the biggest gamble of your young life. A Soup of the Day could be absolutely anything, just like every snap Josh Allen has ever taken in his football career. Soup of the Day could be Chicken Tortilla Soup (75-yard Touchdown pass), Soup of the Day could be Split Pea Soup (Thrown Pick-Six), Soup of the Day could be meatball soup (Scramble for 7 yards), anything. I EXPECT the Soup of the Day to be good but sadly this is not always the case. I don’t think there is a player that has everyone in the world saying “What the heck are we about to get here?” literally every play like Josh Allen does.
8. Kirk Cousins – Broth
Does this need any explanation?????
9. Daniel Jones – Insert Your Least Favorite Soup Here that still Shows Up on Every Menu Ever for Some Reason
This one is pretty self-explanatory especially with the vagueness of describing the soup, but we all know exactly what soup I’m talking about here, it’s just different for everyone. The soup that every time you see it on a menu you think to yourself “Why are they selling this garbage? How is it on the menu?” I too, think these questions to myself whenever I watch Daniel Jones play football. It actually baffles me that this guy is still somehow a starting quarterback and the Giants continue to have his back. Yet year after year, New York continues to throw him out there in hopes that it just magically starts working for some reason; Much like the disgusting soup you are currently thinking of that stays on menus despite tasting like Daniel Jones plays. Trash.
10. Tom Brady – Chicken Noodle Soup
Think this one is pretty obvious as well. The Greatest Of All Time. Sure, it can be argued that maybe these aren’t necessarily the most talented individuals, but there is no denying they are in a tier of their own in terms of greatness. When I feel my immune system being weak, and a cold developing, I make myself a nice warm bowl of Highlights of Tom Brady leading the Patriots back from 28-3 in the biggest Super Bowl comeback in NFL History. Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup all-time sales DEMOLISHES every other soup flavor they sell for a reason. There is nothing else to say about it. Both the undisputed GOAT in their fields.
So there it is. NFL Quarterbacks as Soups. What Soup Comps did I miss? Were these the exact Soup Comps you have always thought of when thinking about the subject? Regardless, just remember, Football Season and Soup Season are just around the corner.