We always talk about the players who become coaches, but what about the coaches who used to be players? As many know, some of these guys actually had extremely successful careers. Others? Not so much. Here’s a full breakdown of every current NFL head coach and what they were doing back in the day before they got paid to yell at other people.
AFC North – Guys Who Wish they were Back in College
Zac Taylor (Bengals) – Nebraska QB, 2006 Big 12 Offensive Player of the Year with 3,197 yards, 26 TDs, 8 INTs. Went undrafted in 2007, signed with the Bucs, got cut, and moved to the CFL. Spent a season on the Blue Bombers’ practice squad before deciding to end his playing career. That’s called knowing when to hang ‘em up.
John Harbaugh (Ravens) – DB at Miami (OH). Never saw the field. Retired undefeated in games he appeared in.
Kevin Stefanski (Browns) – DB at Penn. Freshman of the Year in 2000, 2x All-Ivy, part of the only undefeated Penn team of the decade. Had 2 INTs vs. Lafayette in ‘02 and still probably tells the story to his kids on a regular basis.
Mike Tomlin (Steelers) – WR at William & Mary. 101 receptions, 2,046 yards, 20 TDs, 4th-most in school history. Second Team All-Yankee Conference in ‘94. Real numbers, real respect.
AFC East – Lots of Pull Ups
Sean McDermott (Bills) – CB at William & Mary, just like Tomlin. All-Conference in ‘97. 322 tackles, 4 INTs, 3 forced fumbles, 1 TD. Grit factory.
Mike McDaniel (Dolphins) – WR at Yale. Never played, but apparently could do 39 pull-ups. Might be the only WR in league history whose self-reported stat line is a gym exercise.
Jeff Ulbrich (Jets) – LB at Hawaii and absolute tank. Led the WAC with 169 tackles his senior year. Drafted in the 3rd round, started 75 games for the 49ers. 501 tackles, 5.5 sacks, 2 INTs, 6 forced fumbles. Certified Football Guy™.
Mike Vrabel (Patriots) – Ohio State legend. 3x First Team All-Big Ten, 2x Big Ten DL of the Year, Consensus All-American. Drafted by the Steelers, became a 3x Super Bowl champ with the Pats. Caught 10 passes in his career—WHICH WERE ALL TDs. He is a defensive guy who still has more receiving TD’s than N’Keal Harry. His best game included 3 sacks, 3 forced fumbles, an offensive TD, and a recovered onside kick. Madden Create-A-Player numbers. Ring him up for the Hall.
AFC South – Most Entertaining. Chaos Everywhere.
DeMeco Ryans (Texans) – LB and Alabama legend. SEC DPOY in 2005, Unanimous All-American. Drafted by the Texans, won DROY, 155 tackles his rookie year. 970 career tackles, 13.5 sacks, 7 picks, 7 forced fumbles. No jokes—just dominance. This guy is not a dude he is a man.
Shane Steichen (Colts) – UNLV QB. Once came off the bench and tied the school record with 5 TD passes. Pure chaos. Ended with 2,755 yards and 22 TDs. The perfect “random dude starts one game and goes nuclear” college story.
Brian Callahan (Titans) – QB at UCLA. Actually, that’s pretty generous. He held the ball for the kicker at UCLA.
Liam Coen (Jaguars) – 4-year starter at UMass. Broke 6 of 8 passing records. UMass Hall of Famer.
AFC West – Jim McMahon’s Shadow
Andy Reid (Chiefs) – OT at BYU. Blocked for Jim McMahon. Knee injuries kept him off the field, but he did win the 1980 Holiday Bowl which had to be what ignited the obsession of winning such prestigious games,
Jim Harbaugh (Chargers) – QB at Michigan. Big Ten POY, 3rd in Heisman voting, 5,449 passing yards (school record at the time). Drafted by the Bears, took over for… JIM MCMAHON, made the Colts cool in the ‘90s. Pro Bowler, Comeback POY, Colts Ring of Honor. 26,288 yards, 129 TDs. Football guy.
Sean Payton (Broncos) – Eastern Illinois QB in a system called “Eastern Airlines” for how much they threw the rock. Once threw for 509 in a game. NFL career? Three games, 8-of-23, 79 yards, 1 pick. A 27.3 passer rating. Eastern Airlines must consist of Boeing planes because this career came crashing down like every other Boeing going in the air the past few months. He later dabbled in the CFL and AFL because of course he did.
Pete Carroll (Seahawks) – Started at College of Marin, then transferred to Pacific. 22 career INTs, won several participation trophy-equivalent awards including Most Inspirational Player, Ironman, and Most Loyal Player on the team. Tried out for the WFL’s Honolulu Hawaiians but didn’t make the cut because he was “too small.” What he lacked in size, he made up for in his ability to chew gum more aggressively than any other human in the history of man kind.
NFC North – Not good but very Smart
Dan Campbell (Lions) – Gritty as you would expect. Texas A&M TE, 3rd-round pick. Played for the Giants, Cowboys, Lions, and Saints. Primarily a blocker, but totaled 91 catches for 924 yards and 11 TDs. Won a Super Bowl without getting a ring on the Saints because he was on IR. It was this pain that probably formed him into the kneecap biting sicko we all know and love today.
Kevin O’Connell (Vikings) – QB at San Diego State. 4-year team captain, elite rushing QB. Drafted 94th overall by the Patriots, made 2 appearances, then played for half the league without ever really playing. Career: 4 completions, 23 yards, and a lifetime supply of sky-miles.
Ben Johnson (Bears) – Walk-on QB at UNC. Third string. Never played. But was apparently very good at math so that’s good.
Matt LaFleur (Packers) – WR at Western Michigan, then became a D2 QB at Saginaw Valley State and broke all their records. Basically did what I have always wished an elite NFL player would do and play in the CFL or something just so they can become the GOAT of that league. Went on to play for the Omaha Beef in the National Indoor Football League (yes, real team, real name). 178 yards, 9 TDs in 5 games.
NFC East – Fat
Nick Sirianni (Eagles) – WR at Mount Union where he won 3 D3 national titles. Only played 2 seasons (injuries), but still dropped 998 yards and 13 TDs. Later played one year for the 3-7 Canton Legends of the American Indoor Football League. Canton Legends, not to be confused with the Canton Hall of Fame, which he will not be entering,
Dan Quinn (Commanders) – DE at Salisbury State (yes, a real school, not a seasoning). 4-year letterman, 2x team captain, All-Region in 1993. Helped the Seagulls reach the D3 playoffs. No official stat lines are available but he did break his school record in the Hammer Throw. Great football career, even greater Track & Field Career.
Brian Schottenheimer (Cowboys) – QB at Kansas, then Florida. Was a backup at both, which is actually kind of impressive. Threw 25 completions for 290 yards and 2 TDs, plus a rushing TD. Won a natty with Florida in 1996. Right place, right time.
Mike McCarthy (Bonus Ex Cowboys because I think it’s funny) – TE at Scottsdale Community College (yes, the Fighting Artichokes). Transferred to Baker University where he was a 2x All-Conference TE and led them to an NAIA runner-up finish. TE1 of the NAIA.
Brian Daboll (Giants) – Safety at University of Rochester. Had 4 career INTs and a degree in economics before becoming fat.
NFC South – Changed (or Outlived) their Program
Dave Canales (Panthers) – NAIA Travis Hunter. Played both WR and DB at Azusa Pacific. Finished with 27 catches for 293 yards and 1 TD.
Todd Bowles (Buccaneers) – CB at Temple under Bruce Arians. 7 career INTs in college. Went undrafted, signed with Washington, and started in Super Bowl XXII as a second-year safety. 15 INTs, 7 forced fumbles in the NFL. Legend.
Kellen Moore (Saints) – One of the greatest college QBs ever. 173 high school TDs. At Boise State, 50 career wins (NCAA record), 14,667 yards, 142 TDs. Finished 4th in Heisman voting, beat everyone except Cam Newton in basically every award race. Went undrafted (small). Played in 3 NFL games due to a Tony Romo injury. 61-of-104 for 779 yards, 4 TDs, 6 picks. NCAA legend though.
Raheem Morris (Falcons) – Safety at Hofstra. Played from 1994 to 1997. Totaled 141 tackles. Hofstra doesn’t even have a football team anymore. He outlived the program.
NFC West – Injured
Sean McVay (Rams) – WR at Miami (OH). 39 catches, 312 yards, 0 TDs in 4 years. Won the Scholar-Athlete Award in 2007. Probably had perfect attendance, too. Nerd.
Kyle Shanahan (49ers) – WR at Texas. 14 catches, 127 yards. The end.
Mike Macdonald (Seahawks) – Didn’t play ball because of “injuries” aka did not get recruited.
Jonathan Gannon (Cardinals) – Safety at Louisville. Hip injury ended his career at 19. Might’ve been good. Probably wouldn’t have been.
It is wild to me how many former no-name players now run entire NFL rosters. Next time you’re yelling at your TV about a bad 4th down call—remember, that coach might’ve once thrown for 509 yards in a college game… or held for extra points at UCLA.