We have finally made it. After months of pretending to care about baseball and convincing ourselves that golf majors count as Must-See TV, the king has returned. The NFL is back.
This can only mean one thing. Let the reckless predictions of sports media begin. Dark horse teams that will end up going 5-12, award winners who will inevitably tear their ACL in week, and so much more.
Lucky for YOU reading this, I am pretty certain all of my predictions this year are going to be 101% accurate. I can just feel it. You can go ahead and lock these in. Bet whatever is left in the FanDuel account. Bet your house. Bet your kid’s college fund. Let’s hand out some flawless end of season awards and throw in a couple takes / predictions while we’re at it. Here is EXACTLY how the 2025 NFL season will play out. Please bookmark this.
MVP: Joe Burrow – Will Break Every NFL Single Season Passing Record in the Books
Joey B for MVP. No, this is not a biased pick, this is in fact, the story of the 2025 NFL season (outside of the new champs being crowned that we will dive into later.) Joe Burrow will put on one of, if not the best, quarterback seasons we have ever seen. I’m talking historic. I’m talking Madden-like numbers. I’m talking Peyton Manning’s single season passing records packing up their bags and moving to the suburbs of Cincinnati.
The two big records on notice: total passing yards (5,477 – Manning, 2013) and total passing touchdowns (55 – Manning, 2013).
Unfortunately, a big reason this is going to happen is because of how god awfully terrible Cincinnati’s defense is. We saw last season that the Bengals need to put up LOTS of points to win games, which they are built to do.
This Bengals offense has potential to be the greatest offense in the history of the NFL. Burrow has a Triple Crown Winner, the best WR2 in the league, and Chase Brown who is going to morph into prime Austin Ekeler this season.
Add in the extra game (17 vs Manning’s 16 in 2013) and the math screams record breaking year incoming. It’s no longer a matter of IF these older records will be broken, it is a matter of WHEN.
Congratulations, Joe Burrow, on your historic season, and your first MVP award.
Offensive Player of the Year: Ja’Marr Chase – 2x Triple Crown Winner
Again, I pinky promise these are not biased, and this is the last time the Bengals will be mentioned in these predictions (probably.) When you’re talking about having what I think has the potential to be one of the all-time best offenses in history, it is hard to ignore the guy catching all the touchdowns. Ja’Marr will have the Heisman winning, NFL record breaking, MVP of the league quarterback feeding him the ball like an all-you-can-eat buffet. These two awards go hand in hand. Don’t overthink it.
Congratulations Ja’Marr Chase on winning Offensive Player of the Year.
Defensive Player of the Year: T.J. Watt
I feel as if all the front runners for DPOY have been injury riddled over the past couple seasons so this becomes a “Which Top Elite Defensive Player Can Stay Healthy This Season” Award. This is becoming less of an award measured by sacks and pressures, and more so kneecaps and hamstrings. Micah Parsons already has some issues he is dealing with, Aiden Hutchinson is fresh off being EXTREMELY injured, and I have an inkling that T.J. is about to be mega healthy this year and back to reigning havoc down upon all opposing offenses. It’s just a vibes thing.
Congratulations T.J. Watt on winning the 2025 “Which Top Elite Defensive Player Can Stay Healthy This Season” Award.
Offensive Rookie of the Year : Matthew Golden
Yes, it’s true. Matthew Golden is this year’s Offensive Rookie of the Year. Of all of these awards, Golden will overcome the largest odds (+2200) and walk home with the hardware. This is one of those wagers that you will look back on in August and wish you sprinkled some dough on it.
I’m not sold on Jeanty (or more so just not sold on the Raiders.) I don’t think Cam Ward has the weapons to thrive. I love Egbuka but think Mike Evans will eat his targets. I think Treyveon Henderson will take too much time becoming the established RB1. Jaxson Dart stinks at football. Travis Hunter will be too worried about defense. I like Omarion Hampton, but think he get’s edged out.
So who’s left standing? It’s Matthew Golden. This offense has been solid since Jordan Love took the reigns, all without a true #1 option. Golden was drafted to be that guy, and he is stepping into a franchise that is about to terrorize their conference and compete for a Super Bowl.
By January, the +2200 longshot will look ridiculous, and you will be frightened at the fact that you are going up against one of the leagues finest Wide Outs in your Fantasy Football matchup this week.
Congratulations Matthew Golden on the 2025 NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year Award.
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Abdul Carter
We’re all in agreeance on this one right? Cool.
Congratulations Abdul Carter on the 2025 NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year Award.
AFC Champions: Buffalo Bills
Nobody circles the Wagons like the Buffalo Bills. Unless they run into Cincinnati, but for arguments sake we will say they avoid playing them in the playoffs. Their schedule is cake and should probably win 13+ games and get the 1 seed. I have said it an embarrassing amount of times now but I still don’t think the Chiefs are this big bad villain that is unbeatable. The Bills are fun and currently hold the “America’s Team” title I would say. I can get behind this.
NFC Champions: Green Bay Packers
Wow, can’t believe we took Matthew Golden at +2200 odds. Look at him now. About to play on the biggest stage in all of sports. The Packers win the NFC after the Micah Parsons trade proves to be highway robbery (nice one Jerry Jones) and Jordan Love steps into the elite QB conversation (thanks to his star Wide Out I may add.)
Super Bowl Champions: Green Bay Packers over the Buffalo Bills
85% of the world, including myself, would be rooting for Buffalo in this matchup, but the Bills will be the Bills and become 0-5 in Super Bowls, cementing themselves as the best heartbreak franchise in sports. The Packers are just a good team man. If Jordan Love really does take a leap this year and becomes a fringe top-5 QB, and Matthew Golden can be that go-to receiver that Love has never had, then this team doesn’t really have a weakness. The defense will go bonkers with Micah Parsons, and the game can be slowed down with Josh Jacobs, an extremely underrated back.
So the Cheese Heads get it done and bring home their first Lombardi since 2011, and Jordan Love completes the Bret Favre – Aaron Rodgers – Jordan Love cycle, and we will have a parade through the subdivisions of Green Bay.
What a season.
So that’s the script, and I will even go as far as saying if even one of these prove to be untrue, I will personally run the Oklahoma Drill against Micah Parsons (as long as he accepts).
Happy NFL Season everyone.