This. Is. March.
One of the greatest times of the year. Not because of March Madness, not because of MLB opening week, not because Spring is starting to spring, but because spring football is BACK. You may be glued to your couch watching hoops or baseball, but we are not the same. When the NFL is on vacation, UFL is king.
Hoops fans keep saying there’s “no madness this year,” meanwhile I’m wondering if maybe we used up all the madness too early—because UFL Week 1 was absolutely insane. And since I know most of you missed it, I will gladly fill you in on what madness unfolded in week 1 to keep you in the loop of the early UFL season.
St Louis Battlehawks – 31
Houston Roughnecks – 6
Let’s start with my personal favorite team, The St. Louis Battlehawks, and their whomping of the Houston Roughnecks. All I heard all weekend was “wow, what a great weekend from Houston. They look dominant, what a great win getting past Tennessee.” Wrong. They don’t look dominant, and they actually played St. Louis, not Tennessee, and got beat by 30. Not sure where you are getting your sources???
The story of the offseason was the Battlehawks cutting ties with the UFL GOAT, AJ McCarron, and which young QB will step up in this talented team’s journey to finally take down the boogeyman we call the Birmingham Stallions. Max Duggan (yes, Max Duggan!) is my personal favorite to take the reigns over for this team, but Manny Wilkins got the start in this game.
I will admit, Wilkins was awesome at handing the football off to his running backs, as the Battlehawks broke a UFL record for rushing yards in a game with 273 on the ground. Duggan eventually got in for garbage time, where he showed flashes of prime Tom Brady. Duggan also looked elite at handing off the football to running backs, as he oh-so-perfectly placed one ball in the hands of his running back, Jarveon Howard so perfectly, that it allowed Howard to run for a UFL record 73-yard TD (a record that lasted several hours). Houston did get a garbage time TD in the final minutes to avoid the shutout, so kudos to them for never giving up and trying their best! As long as they had fun, that’s all that really matters!
Arlington Renegades – 33
San Antonio Brahmas – 9
Everyone is talking about the exciting week we are all about to get in San Antonio as they host the Final Four. People must be confused?? the excitement has already happened this weekend in San Antonio??? The Renegades came into town and PUMMELED the Brahmas. As I mentioned before, Jarveon Howard’s longest rushing TD record stood for just a few hours, as Kalen Ballage of the Renegades said, “Hold my beer” and took a 77 yard touchdown run to the house early in the 2nd quarter.
P.S. Kellen Mond (Yes, Kellen Mond!) is currently the QB for the Renegades if anyone is wondering what ever happened to that guy.)
The Renegades show they are contenders for this season and look to avenge their 2024 championship game collapse from last season. A good start here against their in-state rivals.
Michigan Panthers – 26
Memphis Showboats – 12
Hey, they can’t all be thrillers. I will say, Michigan fans do stay more tuned to the UFL more than most fan bases, but they are quite dumb. Michigan fans were blowing up Twitter disappointed in the Michigan loss. What game were they watching? They literally won by two touchdowns.
DC Defenders – 18
Birmingham Stallions – 11
This. Is. MARCH.
And this was madness.
In the Week 1 finale, the DC Defenders hosted the 3x defending champion Birmingham Stallions—a team in the middle of a Patriots-level dynasty with just one loss last season. This game was supposed to be another cruise-control beatdown. But the Defenders had other plans.
Final Score: 18-11. The champs are down. The dynasty has a dent.
DC’s defense, inspired by the legendary Beer Snake in the crowd, balled out. And when that snake grows, so does the power of the people. The Defenders forced turnovers, made stops, and looked like a team on a mission to wreck everyone’s preseason narratives.
Birmingham now has as many losses as they had in all of 2024, regular season and playoffs combined. Tell me again there haven’t been any good upsets this month—I dare you.
This was absolute bananas. Call it a 16-seed over a 1-seed. Call it football chaos. Just don’t call the Defenders underdogs anymore.
UFL is king.
Final Take: The UFL Is Spring’s Premier Sport.
Final take: If there’s a UFL game on, there’s nothing else I’d rather be watching. This is March. This is football. And it rules.
Happy Spring.